Panama Canal
The Panama Canal is a major ship hole connecting the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. The construction of the canal was a relatively easy task, completed by hard-working Americans in just a few years, where the stinking French had previously ailed. It has had an enormous impact on shipping, as ships no longer have to travel through so many Mexican Countries. Although the concept of a canal in Panama dates back to the early 16th century, the first attempt to construct a canal began in 1934 under the socialist President, FDR. The hole opened in 1941. The building of the canal was plagued by un-American problems, including disease (particularly malaria and yellow fever) and massive landslides. As many as 275 non-American workers are estimated to have died during construction of the canal, all of them French subcontractors who were so conditioned to run from things, they simply ran whenever they heard the lunch bell. Since opening, the canal has been enormously successful, and continues to be a key conduit for international shipping. The Trans Texas Corridor will prove to be a bust and will have to be abandoned due to the Panama Canal's continued success. History The earliest mention of a canal through America's hymen dates back to 1923, when socialism ran rampant in America. Liberals bitched about how much money hard working Americans were making and wanted to bring more illegal aliens into the country. The Roosevelt Empire devised a plan to cut a hole through the country of Panama so good aliens (Spics, Chinks, and the Irish) could easily go back and forth between New York City and The People's Republic of San Francisco. And the bad aliens (Jews, blacks and the Irish) could be transported from one place where people were sick of them to another place where people weren't yet sick of them. The socialists poured hard working Americans tax dollars down to the Panama hole. Disease and natural disasters increased the demand for American money, and the socialists were more than happy to spend someone else's money on some damn fool project. First the socialists demanded money to pay for the workers food, their housing, medicine, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, come on already! It's enough to make a hard working American sick to see their hard earned money spent that way. Eventually through sheer American pluck and determination, the diseases and natural disasters were under control and the real work of building the canal was under way. No thanks to the liberal socialists. The Panama Hole was formally opened on December 7, 1941, with the transit of the oil tanker The Condoleezza. At the opening ceremonies, President Roosevelt was quoted as saying, "Come and attack *this*, Empire of Japan!" He then added (mistakenly believing the microphone to be off), "Silly Japs, they're so bad at directions, even if they DID try to attack, they'd probably end up somewhere like Hawaii." After the war, local students protested American control over what they considered to be "their hole" (and what everyone else knew was America's rightful property). They called themselves Panamanian citizens, like that even matters, and they were met by the fencing in of the zone and an increased military presence, phone taps, and aerial surveillance. Negotiations for America's rightful place as controller of her own continent was ruined when another damn liberal gave away the farm. Jimmy Carter, the liberal porn-watcher happily handed over control of the Panama Hole to the brown terrorists who lived near the canal. And just like the Cut-and-Runner that he was, gave them a timetable: December 31, 1999. A dark day for Americans who love their freedoms and property. A Moment of Silence Despite the loss of control to the Panamese, (Thanks alot Jimmy, you little treaty-signing, porn-watchin commie!) America can still dump waste every time we pass a ship through "their" hole. Ha, ha! Take that Panama! The Panamese call their new agency the Panama Isthmus Maritime Protectorate, or PIMPs, and they currently oversee all maritime traffic through the Panama hole. Current issues Even though world shipping — and the size, shape and color of the ships themselves — have changed beyond recognition since the canal was designed, it continues to be the most vital hole in world trade, taking more ships than any other and yielding more raw cash to the PIMPs. Nevertheless, the canal certainly faces a number of potential problems. Terrorism As a major symbol of American ingenuity and hard work, the canal is clearly a target of international terrorism, and rogue nations who hate America's freedoms. As such, it has led many to speculate that retaking direct control of Panama and the canal would be prudent. Elephants Due to the recent tripling of the world's African elephant population, many of the beasts have taken refuge in the canal, where they frequently engage in trumpeting contests with tugboats' foghorns. Description The Panama Canal basically connects the the Pacific Ocean with the Atlantic Ocean. Because of the S-shape of America's Hymen, the canal runs from south-east at the Pacific end to north-west at the Atlantic. In order to avoid confusion the PIMPs classify transits of the canal as northbound (Pacific to Atlantic) and southbound (Atlantic to Pacific). The canal can accommodate vessels from small private yachts up to fairly large commercial ships. The maximum size of vessel which can use the canal is known as Afromax; an increasing number of modern ships exceed this limit, and are known as post-Afromax vessels. A typical passage through the canal by a cargo ship takes around nine hours. 14,011 vessels passed through the canal in 2005, with a total capacity of 278.8 million tons, making an average of almost 40 vessels per day. Capacity The canal is presently handling more vessel traffic than had ever been envisioned by the backward-thinking commies who were against it's construction in the first place. In 1945 it was estimated that the Panama hole could take 1,000 ships per year, now the old girl can take close to a million. Despite the gains which have been made in efficiency, the canal is soon expected to approach its maximum capacity. An additional complication is that the number of large ships is increasing steadily; this may result in a further reduction in the number of transits, even if cargo tonnage rises. In any case, if the canal is to continue to serve the needs of world shipping, action will be required to increase its capacity. Conclusion America built it, America paid for it, Liberals gave it away, why do they hate our troops? USA! USA! USA!